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Getting Wired – Cyber Bullying

The ReadRight editor — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 14:43:40 +0000

What is What is Cyber Bullying?

Bullying is not a new phenomenon – it has been around forever. Often, parents perceive it to be part of growing up, and it can be viewed as a rite of passage into learning to assert oneself in a peer group situation. The disturbing fact, however, is that bullying is on the increase, and a new predator, the cyber bully, has entered the playground jungle. Cyber bullying is different because it lets a bully remain anonymous. It is easier to bully in cyberspace than face to face. With cyber bullying a bully can pick on people with much less risk of being caught.

Cyber bullying is when a child (preteen or teen) is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child (preteen or teen) or peer group using the arena of technology, for example, the Internet or cellphone. Cyber bullying occurs through e-mail, instant messaging and chat rooms and, in the case of younger children, cellphones are the popular medium. Research shows that cellphones are the most prized possessions of children 11 years and older, and it is these children, who have access to cellphones, who are most at risk of being the victims of cyber bullying.

What are the effects of cyber bullying?

The psychological effects of cyber bullying are as harmful, and in some cases, more harmful than physical bullying. Cyber bullying allows the bully to remain anonymous. It is easier to bully in cyberspace than face to face because with cyber bullying a bully can pick on people with much less risk of being caught. In cyberspace bullies can enlist the participation of other children who may be unwilling to bully in the real world. Children who stand around doing nothing during a real life bullying incident often become active participants in online harassment.

How will I know if my child is being bullied online ?

It is important to be emotionally open to your children and be aware of what they are doing online.
If your child is becoming emotionally withdrawn, depressed and fearful, resists going to school or even shows signs of aggression with family and friends, you should be on the alert. If your child admits to being bullied, the school should be contacted immediately, and the relevant parties called in to address the issue. Some schools in South Africa have a “bully box” and many assert a “No Dissing” policy.
In all cases, the victim must be assured that the bullying is not his or her fault.

Ref: Child Development. 2005 Mar-Apr; 76(2): 435-50
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What to do if you feel like you are being bullied

Cyber bullying can involve any of the following:

Sending hateful or threatening messages via mobile instant messaging (MIM), mobile chat or even via e-mail;
A teen impersonating another teen by creating a fake profile on a MIM site or social networking site;
Harassing another child by sending large numbers of SMS messages to their cell phone;
Taking photographs or video clips of a victim and then circulating these images to every contact in the phonebook;
Vicious forum posts and name calling in chat rooms.

If you are being cyber bullied , there are things you can do to stop the harassment:

Assertively ask the bully to stop. Otherwise, don’t respond or argue with the bully. Don’t answer e-mails, instant messages, text messages or other messages from a bully.
Tell your parents.
Save proof of cyber bullying. Don’t delete anything. Copy and paste conversations and save e-mails. Save text messages and/or voicemails.
Make changes – block/ban/ignore the offender. Log out. Change your e-mail address, screen name, cellphone number and other ways the bully could contact you.
Report cyber bullying to the site, the service, your internet service provider or your cellphone company.

If you are taking part in things like this – it is not harmless fun. You are being a cyber bully.

Think before you post!
If you laugh at it, you are a part of it.

TIPS FOR PARENTS AND TEACHERS:

You need to encourage your child to come to you, or another trusted adult, if they ever experience cyber bullying. Be as supportive as possible of your child during this time. If you feel that the matter needs to be reported to the police then do so in the interest of ensuring the safety of your child.

Some of the things you can do for your child are:

To keep a record of cyber bullying messages as evidence if you decide to report the matter to the police or a lawyer.

To offer to change your child’s cellphone number or delete the account on the relevant mobile instant messaging service or social networking site to stop receiving bullying messages.

To not become a cyber bully in turn by sending out inflaming messages to another person when they are angry or hurt. There is no limit to how widely such messages can spread, and there are instances where children have been taken to court for defamation.

To teach children to “Think before they post”, and to not be a part of cyber bullying by passing on hurtful content. Teach children that “If they laugh about it, they are part of it”.

We need to teach our children that silence, when others are being hurt, is not acceptable. If they don’t allow the cyber bullies to use them to embarrass or torment others, cyber bullying will quickly stop. In the end, our children will be safer online and offline. We will have helped create a generation of good cyber citizens who control technology rather than being controlled by it.

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Getting Wired – Facing up to Facebook

The ReadRight editor — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 14:36:10 +0000

Facebook is one of the most popular websites in the world – it allows users to create a free account, hook up with old or new friends and communicate with them via status updates, wall posts or private messages.
If you’re ready to join the Facebook community, it’s pretty simple (and we advise that parents join too – the best way to understand Facebook is to use it). Go to www.facebook.com and click on “sign up for Facebook”. You will be asked to fill out an online registration form.

Getting your profile right

Fill out all the fields in your profile – but be weary of what information you include. “Your profile says a lot about you, and the image you want to portay to the world,” says Angus Robinson, CEO of Brandsh, a leading online social and mobile media company.

Once it’s out there …

The same applies to the photos you post on your profile. “It’s great to put photos up, and there is a section on your site where you can ‘create a photo album’. You will also have to select a photo for your profile. You might prefer to not post a picture of yourself and make use of the anonymous silhouettes as your profile picture, but we advise against this because it’s not great social networking etiquette. Importantly, try to make sure the photos are not provocative in any way and make sure they don’t show you in a compromised position because that gives out a negative message,” warns Robinson.

The best way to protect yourself on Facebook is by using the various privacy settings available. Simply click on the “Settings” tab in the block at the top of the page (next to the Search option). By clicking on the “Privacy Settings” you can control who sees what on your profile, who can search for you and what they can see when they do search and you can control who can see your activity on Facebook. It is also possible to “block” someone, which means that person will not be able to find you in a Facebook search, see your profile or interact with you through Facebook channels such as wall posts and pokes.
Finally, just enjoy exploring the Facebook world.

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Send your message in an instant… without risking your safety

Instant messaging, be it on your computer or cellphone, is a communications tool mainly used to speak to your friends and family in real time. With the uptake of Internet-enabled cellphones, Mobile Instant Messaging (MIM) has really taken off, especially among teenagers and the youth. The MIM services use the Internet to send a short message and costs far less than an SMS sent on your cellphone. Popular MIM services include MXit, Mig33, 2Go and Fring.

What many people don’t know is that instant messaging services also include anonymous chat rooms. In this context, it is important to understand the difference between peer-to-peer instant messaging and anonymous chat rooms. Peer-to-peer is used to talk to the friends you know and have met in real life, while chat rooms involve conversations with people who are strangers (people you haven’t met in real life).

The danger is that these chat rooms are an ideal hunting ground for adults with malicious intent – be it paedophiles or criminals looking for your personal information that can later be used for identity theft.

About to send a message? STOP! Read these tips:

You should only add people you already know as contacts or buddies If you are talking to a friend of a friend, make sure that your friend knows this person and has met them in real life

Make sure you don’t tell someone who you haven’t met in real life where you live or give them your cellphone or home phone number. You wouldn’t tell a stranger where you live, or give them any other personal details; you shouldn’t do it here either. Do not give out any of your personal information to strangers

Don’t leave a chat room to have a private conversation with a stranger (someone you haven’t met in real life)
Don’t meet someone from your virtual world in real life – and if you have to, take a parent along and make sure you meet in a public place.

People on the Internet or on MIM services may not be who they say they are. Even though you may be the most knowledgeable among your friends on instant messaging services, you can never be too careful or too cautious about protecting yourself.

Tips for parents of children using instant messaging services:

Talk to your children and make sure they understand the dangers of giving out their personal details (phone number, home address, school they attend) to “virtual” strangers, including friends of friends of friends

Do not let your children use age-inappropriate sites. Social networking websites have age restrictions for a reason

Know what technology your children are using and befriend them on these platforms – know their screen names

Young children should not use chat rooms. A good MIM service will allow parents to block the use of chat rooms by their young children

Know which chat rooms, if any, your children are visiting. Visit them yourself, and also find out how they are monitored by the relevant provider

Encourage regular face-to-face visits with real, and not virtual, friends

Put sensible time limits on the use of cellphone services – not during dinner – no taking cellphones to bed for through-the-night chats.

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Effective study strategies

The ReadRight editor — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 10:00:00 +0000

Look at the different study strategies below. Decide which study strategy you will use and then practise using this method.

Exam tips:

Work through the practical exam writing tips with your child. Chat about each point to ensure thorough understanding:

Know the mark and time allocation of each exam. When you are writing your exam, check the mark allocation for each question. A question for 5 marks should not take you longer than 5 minutes and you should not write more than 4 – 5 lines for such a question.
Arrive on time for the exam and know your exam venue before you start writing your exams!
Have all the necessary equipment so that you do not have to borrow pens, pencils, calculators, etc.
Keep an eye on the clock while you are writing to ensure that you fi nish your paper.
Get enough sleep the night before.
Eat a healthy breakfast on the day of the exam.
Trust yourself – once the exam has been written, don’t worry about it anymore!

Numbers to call for help:
South African Police Service emergency number: 10111
Childline – 0800 05 55 55
Crime stop – 08600 10111
Suicide helpline – 0800 567 567
Mental health line (for depression and anxiety) – (011) 262 6396

Study and exam writing skills

The ReadRight editor — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 10:00:00 +0000

Parent and child chat room: How does your child prepare for exams?

Being properly prepared for the exams is vitally important. In a previous ‘Care Share’ page you spent time with your child identifying his/her learning styles. Knowing your learning style really increases study and exam effectiveness, but exams and study both require planning, effort and hard work. Talk to your child about effective ways to ensure study and exam success using the ideas below.

The importance of planning

Do you have a study plan? Do you design a user-friendly exam study timetable before exams?

Before you can think about how to study, you need a plan of action to ensure that you use your study time effectively.

Any study timetable must:

Be time efficient: Ensure that you have enough time to study for each exam. Prioritise and organise your time to ensure that you spend study time effectively.
Be specific: – Your study timetable should be specifi c about what you will study in each study session, for example, Session 1: English Literature – Othello: Act I.
Be realistic: – It’s not possible to study your entire Geography book in one hour on the morning of the Geography exam.
Allow for regular breaks: – Don’t spend hours staring at a book hoping that you will magically absorb the information. Study for one hour at a time and take a 10 minute break at the end of each hour. During the break, get up and move around. Don’t start watching TV because your 10 minute break will turn into a three hour break!
Work at areas of strength and weakness: – It’s always easier to study for subjects we are good at. Ensure that you give enough time to subjects that are diffi cult for you.

Numbers to call for help:
South African Police Service emergency number: 10111
Childline – 0800 05 55 55
Crime stop – 08600 10111
Suicide helpline – 0800 567 567
Mental health line (for depression and anxiety) – (011) 262 6396

Helping children cope with the loss of a loved one

The ReadRight editor — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 10:00:00 +0000

How do you help a child grieve and recover from the death of a parent?

Use the following guidelines to help you to help children cope with the devastating loss of a parent:

Explain the death clearly and allow the child to express his/her feelings about the death. At different phases of the grieving process, children may be traumatised, grief stricken, angry, guilty, resilient or sad.
Involve the child in the mourning process and funeral/memorial or traditional burial. Clearly explain the traditional or religious processes according to the child’s belief system.
Try to change as little as possible in the rest of the child’s life. If possible, they should stay at the same school where their routine and friends are the same. This may not be possible but try and keep as much as possible all the same.
Seek the help and support of friends, family and neighbours to help the child go through the grieving process.
Be sensitive to diffi cult times where the child will miss his/her parent e.g. family gatherings, birthdays, holidays.
Find ways to help the child say a personal goodbye to the parent while also helping the child to remember his/her parent, for example, help the child make a memory box or a memory mobile or plant a tree in memory of the parent.

Making a memory box

Making something special that will help the child remember the parent is an important part of coping with loss. A memory box is a good way to help children do this.

You will need the following materials:

An old cardboard box; a pair of scissors; glue; pieces of coloured paper/old wrapping paper, mementoes of the person who has died, for example, photographs, birthday cards, an item of clothing or a piece of jewellery that belonged to the person who has died.

What to do:

Cover and decorate the box. Help the child to cover and decorate the box with something that will remind him/her of the parent, for example, fl owery paper, cut out stars etc.
Layer the inside of the box with tissues or pretty coloured paper.
Carefully help the child choose special memory items for his/her box, for example, some special photographs, a postcard or letter written by the parent, birthday cards that the parent gave the child etc.
Encourage the child to write a letter to the parent to say how they are feeling/how they love and miss the parent. The letter should go into the box.

Numbers to call for help:
South African Police Service emergency number: 10111
Childline – 0800 05 55 55
Crime stop – 08600 10111
Suicide helpline – 0800 567 567
Mental health line (for depression and anxiety) – (011) 262 6396

Cyber bullying – Cyber quiz

The ReadRight editor — Sun, 25 May 2008 10:00:00 +0000

Take the quick cyber quiz below with your teen or tween to get you both talking about this issue. Both of you should answer the questions as honestly as possible. You may be surprised by what you learn about each other. Check your responses at the end of the quiz:

My cellphone is useful in my life because:
1. It keeps me in contact with friends and family and helps me with work or school-related issues.
2. It ensures that I know everything that is going on in my circle – all the gossip about who is dating who and who wore what.
3. It enables me to keep tabs on people anytime, anywhere.
If my cellphone was taken away from me for three days and I could not use or see
1. Frustrated and irritated because I would not be able to contact anyone to make work
  or school arrangements.
2. Angry, irritated and a bit worried. What if I’m missing out on important gossip and fun
  conversations between friends?
3. Alone and scared. Anyone could be saying anything about me and I would not know
  or be able to fight back.
I go onto Mxit, Facebook or any other type of cyber chat space:
1. about once a week.
2. when I want to talk about something or someone specific – about three times a week.
3. everyday for as long as I can – I am addicted.
When I go onto Facebook or Mxit I feel…
1. Great – it is a good way to catch up with friends.
2. Scared – you never know who may say something mean about me.
3. Scared and excited – I know it’s wrong but it’s cool to see who is being talked about…
  hopefully it is not me.

Mostly As – you are using technology in a healthy way – to communicate with friends and
make appointments. Make sure that you keep up these healthy cyber relationships.

Mostly Bs – You are having lots of cyber fun but be careful about what you say on the Internet.
Remember – if you wouldn’t say it in public or to someone’s face, don’t say it in cyber space!

Mostly Cs – You may end up being a victim or a perpetrator of cyber bullying and the
consequences of this could be very damaging. You need to fi nd ways of using technology
more positively in your life. Check out the helpful hints alongside.

Helpful anti-cyber bullying hints

Learn as much as you can about technology so that you can talk to your teen or tween about it. Keeping the lines of communication open is important.
Ensure that if your teen or tween uses a computer at home, it is in a public space.
Ensure that your teen/tween knows how to recognise cyber bullying.
Ensure that your teen/tween knows the consequences of cyber bullying.
Encourage your teen/tween to report cyber bullying if he/she knows that it is happening. Even if it is not happening at school, cyber bullying has an impact on relationships and learning at school. Encourage your teen/tween not to be a bystander cyber bully.
Give your teens/tweens the following messages about cyber bullying:
- If you would not say something to someone’s face, don’t say it online. “If you can’t say it – don’t send it!”
- Do not try to resolve arguments online.
- Do not put anything on the Internet that you would not put on the front page of a newspaper.
- Cyber bullying has long-lasting and far-reaching consequences for the perpetrator and the victim.

Numbers to call for help:
South African Police Service
emergency number: 10111
Childline – 0800 05 55 55
Crime stop – 08600 10111
Suicide helpline – 0800 567 567
Mental health line (for depression
and anxiety) – (011) 262 6396

Cyber bullying

The ReadRight editor — Sun, 18 May 2008 10:00:00 +0000

Cyber bullying … you can’t be serious?

More and more teens, parents and schools have to deal with incidents of cyber bullying but what is this new phenomenon?

Is cyber bullying the same as face-to-face bullying?

Cyber bullying may be part of other types of bullying such as face-to-face bullying, but it is more powerful because it reaches into homes and personal space. This makes it especially difficult to control or stop.

Cyber bullying can take the form of verbal abuse or threats but often teens may make hurtful comments unintentionally or in a joking way without realising the consequences of these actions. What may be seen as a joke to the sender may not be received as a joke.

Should parents and teens take cyber bullying seriously?

There are increasing reports of teens who have become depressed and suicidal as a result of cyber bullying.

What about bystander cyber bullying?

Cyber bullying creates a wide audience because so many people can share in the cellular or Internet communication. Passing on or showing other teens messages or images is participating in the bullying. Taking part in online chats where someone is being verbally insulted, abused or humiliated is articipating in cyber bullying. Parents, teachers and teens need to talk about and understand the consequences of bystander cyber bullying.

What can be done about cyber bullying?

Technology is not all negative. It really can empower and improve children’s educational and social experiences. However, if technology is misused or abused it can cause untold harm and pain.

Learn how to stop cyber bullying before it becomes a problem.

Numbers to call for help:
South African Police Service
emergency number: 10111
Childline – 0800 05 55 55
Crime stop – 08600 10111
Suicide helpline – 0800 567 567
Mental health line (for depression
and anxiety) – (011) 262 6396

Click here to take a cyber bullying quiz!

Building self-esteem

The ReadRight editor — Sun, 11 May 2008 10:00:00 +0000

Recent research in South Africa showed that more than 24% of teenagers had sad or hopeless feelings and 19% had considered attempting suicide. This means our children are feeling bad about themselves!

How can parents help?

We need to take action to help tweens and teens change the way they feel about themselves.

Measure your self-esteem

Do this quick activity with your tween or teen to see how they are doing on the self-esteem metre:

Finish the following sentences by listing all the things you believe you deserve; and all the things you believe you can do.

I believe I deserve … e.g. respect, love
I believe I can … e.g. be a good soccer player

This exercise will measure how your self-esteem is doing. Kids with a good self-esteem believe they deserve good things and they believe in their ability to achieve.

Build your child’s self-esteem by:

Allowing them to be confident and assertive;
Allowing them to be independent;
Trusting them;
Teaching them to communicate clearly;
Encouraging them to finish the tasks they set out to do;
Teaching them to be responsible and accept the consequences of their actions;
Teaching them how to make healthy choices;
Helping them to be compassionate;
Teaching them to give back to their community and society;
Model responsible behaviour in front of your child, for example, your confidence and manner in which you resolve conflict.
Helping them to deal with disappointment, sadness or anger without feeling as though they have failed you or themselves.

DID YOU KNOW?
25% of South African teenagers watch more than 3 hours of TV every day? This means that they are being influenced by unrealistic media images that make them feel that they are not good enough. Instead of watching TV, spend time talking to your child.

Numbers to call for help:
South African Police Service
emergency number: 10111
Childline – 0800 05 55 55
Crime stop – 08600 10111
Suicide helpline – 0800 567 567
Mental health line (for depression
and anxiety) – (011) 262 6396

What is self-esteem?

The ReadRight editor — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 10:00:00 +0000

So…what is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is all about how you feel about yourself. It is your sense of your own worth as a human being. Good self-esteem helps kids to have the confidence to cope with the everyday challenges in life.

Kids with good self-esteem feel confident that they are worthy and deserving of respect and love. They are able to problem solve, communicate, work independently and work in a team. Kids with good self-esteem take responsibility for their actions and can assert and communicate their wants and needs.
They make good choices because they value themselves.

Kids with good self-esteem say:

Numbers to call for help:
South African Police Service emergency number: 10111
Childline – 0800 05 55 55
Crime stop – 08600 10111
Suicide helpline – 0800 567 567
Mental health line (for depression and anxiety) – (011) 262 6396

Growing pains – Dyslexic

The ReadRight editor — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 07:17:06 +0000

Question:

My son is in Grade 3. He battles to read and reverses some of his letters like b and d and p and q. Should I be concerned that he has dyslexia?

A: Dyslexia is a very specific reading difficulty that is associated with an inability to translate written language to speech and vice versa.There are a number of different behaviours that may signal dyslexia in a child, although the presence of one single behaviour does not indicate dyslexia for certain.

Things to look out for include the following:

Difficulty with learning and remembering printed words.
Letter reversal (b for d, p for q), number reversals (6 for 9), and changed order of letters in words (tar for rat, quite for quiet) or numbers(12 for 21).
Leaving out or inserting words while reading.
Confusing vowel sounds or substituting one consonant for another (sting for sling).
Persistent spelling errors.
Difficulty writing.

Other characteristics sometimes include:

Delayed or inadequate speech development especially the inability to speak in sentences.
Trouble picking the right word to fi t the meaning desired when speaking.
Problems with direction (up and down)and time (before and after, yesterday and tomorrow).
Clumsiness.
Difficulty following a sequence of instructions,for example, open the cupboard, take out a cup, go to the tap, pour some water into the cup, drink the water.
An inability to say words that rhyme, for example, what rhymes with cat?

If you do suspect that your son may be dyslexic,it is important that he visit an educationalpsychologist for an assessment as soon as possible. Early intervention is best as strategies can then be put in place to support your son’s reading.

Resources:

www.brainpowergames.co.za (Remedial spelling and reading games for children and adults with dyslexia).
www.dyslexia.com (Information and resources for dyslexia).
Das J P (2001) Reading Difficulties and Dyslexia.New Jersey: Sarka Educational Resources Inc.
www.healthscout.com