How do you help a child grieve and recover from the death of a parent?

Use the following guidelines to help you to help children cope with the devastating loss of a parent:

• Explain the death clearly and allow the child to express his/her feelings about the death. At different phases of the grieving process, children may be traumatised, grief stricken, angry, guilty, resilient or sad.
• Involve the child in the mourning process and funeral/memorial or traditional burial. Clearly explain the traditional or religious processes according to the child’s belief system.
• Try to change as little as possible in the rest of the child’s life. If possible, they should stay at the same school where their routine and friends are the same. This may not be possible but try and keep as much as possible all the same.
• Seek the help and support of friends, family and neighbours to help the child go through the grieving process.
• Be sensitive to diffi cult times where the child will miss his/her parent e.g. family gatherings, birthdays, holidays.
• Find ways to help the child say a personal goodbye to the parent while also helping the child to remember his/her parent, for example, help the child make a memory box or a memory mobile or plant a tree in memory of the parent.

Making a memory box

Making something special that will help the child remember the parent is an important part of coping with loss. A memory box is a good way to help children do this.

You will need the following materials:

An old cardboard box; a pair of scissors; glue; pieces of coloured paper/old wrapping paper, mementoes of the person who has died, for example, photographs, birthday cards, an item of clothing or a piece of jewellery that belonged to the person who has died.

What to do:

• Cover and decorate the box. Help the child to cover and decorate the box with something that will remind him/her of the parent, for example, fl owery paper, cut out stars etc.
• Layer the inside of the box with tissues or pretty coloured paper.
• Carefully help the child choose special memory items for his/her box, for example, some special photographs, a postcard or letter written by the parent, birthday cards that the parent gave the child etc.
• Encourage the child to write a letter to the parent to say how they are feeling/how they love and miss the parent. The letter should go into the box.

Numbers to call for help:
South African Police Service emergency number: 10111
Childline – 0800 05 55 55
Crime stop – 08600 10111
Suicide helpline – 0800 567 567
Mental health line (for depression and anxiety) – (011) 262 6396